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C. (Free verse) by skaskowski
Who ran the sound for yesterday? A cataclysmic flash of bells and horns, a semi crashing at the bend near exit 206. You tweaked the squeals to match the pitch of 60 tons of cold steel twisting. I remember every gravel shrapnel crack and snap, and every single head it smashed in. Yet who am I but a raving hypocrite? I cry, "don't do that! Don't do it, dont do it." You still stuck your head deep into a scorpion's nest. Well, let this sting remind you that I'm beside you, even in death. Right, who am I but a rampart of regrets? Why cry, "don't do it!" When I'd be the first one to do it? I watched your sideview-mirror split into a thousand glassy pieces, like the sparkly spray from sneezing in the sunlight. All along I wanted to believe you when you said you found a secret shortcut. A spider-web like music staff crawled across your safety glass. Drops of blood made quarter notes as they plummeted from the overpass. Bucket-seats now milky pools splashed in gasoline with a scum of ash. And I wanted to believe you, yet I only say, "Use a hubcap as a plate. I told you so. Now go, clean off your plate! How much more glass can you eat?"

Down the ladder: A New Deal

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6
Weighted score: 5.190725
Overall Rank: 4706
Posted: May 26, 2007 9:35 AM PDT; Last modified: May 26, 2007 9:38 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] nypoet22 @ 74.225.66.5 | 26-May-07/11:54 AM | Reply
i liked, "A spider-web like music staff/ crawled across your safety glass." I'm not sure how this all relates to a central theme, though it seems to be describing some aspect of an automobile accident. i don't like "a raving hypocrite" or "a rampart of regrets" - i understand why they're there, but i'd say those moments of reflection interrupt the flow you've developed in the rest of the poem.
[7] Dovina @ 12.74.103.30 | 28-May-07/9:32 AM | Reply
Seems like some graphic image written in C++. Otherwise, what is the title about?
[10] Skamper @ 202.6.128.2 | 29-May-07/5:52 AM | Reply
"I watched your sideview-mirror split
into a thousand glassy pieces,
like the sparkly spray from
sneezing in the sunlight."

My fav description - and like these lines, movement and colour follows in every thing you've written.

[8] half.italian @ 76.172.249.205 | 29-May-07/8:24 PM | Reply
The imagery and flow is magnificent. I agree with nypoet however that the self reflection stanzas should be entirely cut. They detroy everything that you build before. Keep stanzas 1,2,3,7,8,9,10 and leave the rest unchanged.
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