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Just Another Reason (Free verse) by Skamper
teach me a small lesson one guaranteed to fit the rules and I will make it last a lifetime frighten your children with the world shy away from discipline 'til indulgent little bubbles burst spraying cries and tantrums round the room and find the cause in the fizzy drink they had for lunch - still - your decisions wrapped in caring/loving smiles inflicted on your cossetted ofspring whining away the hours 'til another dreary program comes on television - don't turn your weary eyes to me I already learned my lesson from the pouting look upon your face

Up the ladder: NO TIME!!
Down the ladder: Holding The Ground

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.8
Weighted score: 5.095362
Overall Rank: 6104
Posted: June 21, 2007 6:23 AM PDT; Last modified: June 21, 2007 6:23 AM PDT
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[7] Christof @ | 21-Jun-07/6:48 AM | Reply
Do you have kids? This does sound like the conversation a parent has with himself whenever the darling child misbehaves. A typo in 'offspring' but otherwise I like this, it's a good bit of polemic.
[n/a] Skamper @ > Christof | 21-Jun-07/4:18 PM | Reply
I have four kids - 3 teen girls and a pre-teen boy. This is mainly directed at horrible parents, who mean well but suck at the job.
[7] lmp @ | 21-Jun-07/3:19 PM | Reply
interesting. i think i know what you are driving at, how some parents will overbearingly protect their children from their environment and not just in a healthy way.

the weary look and pouting face suggest that there is a bit of resentment from the parent about being a parent.

then, the audacious grasp at comisery with you; they made their choice(s), right?
[n/a] Skamper @ > lmp | 21-Jun-07/4:24 PM | Reply
Wrote this after a conversation with some parents about life/lessons/growing and developing a healthy adult. The weary looks and pouting faces were directed at me, because I didn't just nod and agree with them and how wonderful they were as parents. I have the philosophy of letting kids make the little mistakes, get the small bumps, and disappointments so they can handle the bigger injuries and injustices life deals them later. Let them learn to be wise.
[7] lmp @ > Skamper | 22-Jun-07/7:31 AM | Reply
exactly! sometimes it is hard to watch them do all that, but life can be an excellent teacher.
[8] jessicazee @ | 22-Jun-07/12:05 AM | Reply
Just write the word "until" instaead of "'til" for greater effect..., also, not a big deal but offspring in line 12 needs a "f"... I feel like the last 3 lines deserve more? Maybe incorporate them into your very strong intro? 8
[n/a] Skamper @ > jessicazee | 22-Jun-07/11:19 PM | Reply
Not sure about what you mean about the last three lines - they are kinda incorporated in the intro...
Hmm...I noticed now I have 'til written twice, will fix that up on my own copy thanks.
[7] pete @ | 22-Jun-07/11:54 PM | Reply
hi;...yeah; felt exactly the same as jessicazee about the last 3 lines; . the lead up was good enough to deserve much more ... the first 3 lines could in fact stand alone... nice changes of rhythm......7 and a half points
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