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On and On and On (Free verse) by MacFrantic
Guests may never Family might Lovers will And gods may kill Wild dogs hunt foxes in the night And I've never seen an angel But I've seen spite So hold me while I'm around Speak that wonderful sound And give every single chance That you can afford What's more Remember the diers Comfort the criers Take the king's crown from the liars Spit at everthing that you dare to Because it's all fleeting Where is myth The antiquated and original? Is nostalgia lost? Has every path been crossed? Only time will tell Or hell Or for that matter heaven As some would call it That place between fact and fiction Show and tell Not the tone of the bell But the heart of the ringer Defy me And you'll be Another performer Too tired to give his last While I gasp and outlive you In the corners of the world Alone with my thoughts Laughing at your significance And so goes the ride On and on and on Until the shade goes bronze The aftermath of some personal oblivion So I'm a disaster A miserable hackneyed bore And my mind's a whore Hemorrhaging for strangers in the park And throbbing in the dark I'm a headache in the head Of an infantile cupid Whose arrows Pierce the faintest soul And ignore the tyrant He who could use the impaling posts Far more than most The Earth spins soft hands And will shape you In her immortal lathe But reject her embrace Coil in her malicious affections And she will see you ruined Like I Born a good one Sending purpose and reason To bathe in the vestiges Of some arthouse hack Remarked upon by the avant-garde And dismissed as swiftly as the hours Upon which days make lifetimes

Down the ladder: To a Friend

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.6666667
Weighted score: 4.8410625
Overall Rank: 10656
Posted: July 11, 2007 2:53 AM PDT; Last modified: July 11, 2007 2:53 AM PDT
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Comments:
[4] Christof @ 62.121.23.56 | 11-Jul-07/6:31 AM | Reply
I agree, this is too long and repetitious and inventing a word like 'diers' to enforce a rhyme just isn't on. 'I'm a headache in the head/Of an infantile cupid' is tautologous - where else would the Cupid have a headache? Really, this has no focus but misery.
[6] Dovina @ 71.39.52.185 | 11-Jul-07/10:08 AM | Reply
Yes, it's an undisciplined rant. But I like:

So I'm a disaster
A miserable hackneyed bore
And my mind's a whore

Describes a "poet" writing to please masses.
[n/a] MacFrantic @ 71.229.128.83 > Dovina | 11-Jul-07/11:33 AM | Reply
Spot on Dovina, you've also aced the reason for the length, but I've never written an undiscplined rant in my life...most mistakes are deliberate and if it's annoying, I'm usually embellishing.
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