DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Alfredo

Member since 2002 · Posted 17 Aug 2007 · 5 comments

Shadows brought heels to a calomine ghost wailing on linoleum for a stranger to leave. Heels brought soft voices and hands that held needles, the stranger wept quietly whispering âPapaâ. Sleep brought a dream to the calomine ghost he was nineteen and golden making love in a vineyard whispering âFrancescaâ. Dreams left a stranger smiling on linoleum. He heard his Papa as he slept uttering âFrancescaâ, and the stranger left as his son: âAlfredoâ

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5 comments

[8] nypoet22 18-Aug-07/10:40 PM Reply

I'm guessing this is a WWII poem, but that's just a guess. This feels like an incomplete story. As such, it's okay to force your readers to infer some things, but I would like some more sensory detail to give a better clue as to the identities of the participants.

[9] deleted user 20-Aug-07/4:05 PM Reply

Wow! This is really left open to interpretation. My guess is the calomine ghost suffers from alzheimer's.

[8] richa › deleted user 21-Aug-07/3:31 PM Reply

I agree.

[8] richa 21-Aug-07/3:31 PM Reply

I agree this need more detail for the reader to make out who the characters are to eachother. I like the idea of the shadows being a heel to the ghost. The transition from shadows brought heels to heels brought soft voices is also rather elegant.

[8] http://mulberryfairy 22-Aug-07/5:30 PM Reply

Is calomine an alternate spelling of calamine, and was the vineyard actually a grove of poison ivy?