DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Confetti

Member since 2002 · Posted 30 Aug 2007 · 4 comments

I held confetti how I used to hold your finger when your arms were my loom, a hundred burials ago. Your groom smile greeting, killed me. It killed your little girl. Making me bury you on your wedding day, with a nine year old girl and her brother that you once held like her, and now unfurled, as daughters confetti. I held my husband how you used to grip my finger and I cry in his arms how I did in yours a hundred burials ago.

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3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

4 comments

[n/a] Caducus 30-Aug-07/8:23 AM Reply

rough draft about a father changing once he marries someone new, could do with a handhere guys any help appreciated.

[9] INTRANSIT › Caducus 30-Aug-07/3:47 PM Reply

Gimme a minute, we can work this.

[9] INTRANSIT 1-Sep-07/5:41 AM Reply

Thanks for your patience, C. I'm glad I waited because originally i thought you'd overshot your target. After coming back I see " a little bit of history repeating".
I like this and I think it's all there.

My nits would be: unfurled- bugs me, but I see the rhyme. Could you merge lines 7 and 9?
And -loom. again I see the rhyme but it just sounds awkward to me. Three generations?

[n/a] Caducus › INTRANSIT 5-Sep-07/5:24 AM Reply

Nice one Rich I'll make the changes and add em to the tetto site. How's the HIAB?