poemranker ::#7 by mikejedw

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Haiku № 1788

#7

Member since 2002 · Posted 13 May 2002 · Edited 13 May 2002 · 6 comments

Heavy morning mist inhaled, beading on my arms-- not rain, not a cloud.

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.73 rank 1836 views 142 View voting details →

14 votes so far. Yours would make 15.14 votes so far

6 comments

[8] anonymous 13-May-02/9:14 AM Reply
i realize that haiku doesn't always have to be 5-7-5...that there are other syllable combinations that may be applied but should always be 17 syllables or less. You've got 18 here. How bout: Heavy mist at dawn/inhaled and felt on my arms/not rain, not a cloud. Because it's really so beautiful.
[8] anonymous 13-May-02/9:37 AM Reply
nice changes........ bravo!
[9] hoopoe 19-May-02/3:35 AM Reply
lovely

my expectations of you are now no less

you melting here into clarity
[n/a] deleted user 21-May-02/1:22 AM Reply
Hm. "Inhaled" seems to read as either two or three syllables, probably depending on regional accent (I read it as two, but geo. regions with slower speech patterns or more dipthongs/twang will read it as three.)
[n/a] mikejedw 21-May-02/8:11 AM Reply
"Inhaled," to my ear, is two syllables, but you do raise an interesting point. I've long wondered whether "fire" is properly one or two syllables--the triphthong of "ire" makes for a very long vowel sound (long in the classical prosody sense) and can, in some dialects, sound much better broken in two. In fact, in the Carolinas, many "r" triphthongs, such as "there," come across as two syllables--"they-air." I make use of this ambiguity with "fire" in my haiku, "Fireflies."
[7] Robert K Foster 14-Aug-02/9:09 AM Reply
the only part I'd say doesn't fit is the word "inhaled"...