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Member since 2002 · Posted 4 Nov 2002 · 6 comments

pale moon shines with borrowed fire as the flames of sun cool in the sea and she sits on embers ghosts of faraway suns long since vanquished by dark's cool fingers and men in awe worship rocks as they burn burn burn in times and places far

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6 comments

[3] poetandknowit 4-Nov-02/10:42 AM Reply

I guess you are on the right track as far a creating an image. Unfortunately, your age is showing here. But at least it is not a whiny pimple poem.

[6] <~> 4-Nov-02/11:52 AM Reply

is this about coal? are you welsh?

[10] razorgrin 4-Nov-02/1:04 PM Reply

I think this is really good.

[9] god'swife 4-Nov-02/3:35 PM Reply

Wonderful. The last stanza is as lovely an evocation of the sun as I have ever read. Please find a title for this. L4-S1, is slightly confusing to me, I assume you are speaking of distant stars, but can't quite make the connection. Is this 'she' you refer to the moon?

[n/a] bluwiz › god'swife 6-Nov-02/6:10 AM Reply

uh oh. yeah, that was a booboo. sorry for that. 'she' is supposed to be the moon, but i suppose it makes it so confusing. i was refraining from using pronouns, but. *sigh* think i should do it over?

[6] Tintagiles 5-Nov-02/12:00 PM Reply

I can't help it. The first lines are far too redolent of Shakespeare's 'Timon of Athens' for me.