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Today (Free verse) by INTRANSIT
In this gloomy room I watch the rain It traces the pane I am the pain In this room I've gloomed

Up the ladder: Pathetic
Down the ladder: My Dear Friend

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.880797
Overall Rank: 10089
Posted: November 13, 2002 10:12 AM PST; Last modified: November 13, 2002 2:44 PM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] god'swife @ 209.179.137.65 | 13-Nov-02/10:14 AM | Reply
You are the pain, or you are in pain? why must we all suffer?
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.42 > god'swife | 13-Nov-02/10:24 AM | Reply
so you think it's that bad that I should pull it?
[n/a] god'swife @ 209.179.137.65 > INTRANSIT | 13-Nov-02/10:31 AM | Reply
No not at all. I was simply asking if YOU are the pain ( I doubt it) or if you are IN pain(that's the mood I pick up from these few lines) I love this kind of economy. I think you could come up with something else to reveal at the end instead of repeating the first line. If I thought it was bad I would just come out and tell you.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.42 > god'swife | 13-Nov-02/10:43 AM | Reply
Imagine you happen to be depressed and that it happens to be raining. You follow the drops down the glass with your finger.At that point you are depression itself,But there's still the awareness that you don't have to be that way if you don't choose to. The copied line really doesn't matter, to me.
[n/a] god'swife @ 209.179.137.65 > INTRANSIT | 13-Nov-02/10:47 AM | Reply
Ohhh. I never am things, I feel them. I don't know what I am, but I know what I feel.
[n/a] god'swife @ 209.179.137.65 > INTRANSIT | 13-Nov-02/10:39 AM | Reply
The why must wwe all suffer comment is relevant to the knowledge that we all suffer. Not because of your poem, but because it is the stuff of life. I was being compassionate.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.42 > god'swife | 13-Nov-02/10:46 AM | Reply
Sorry, it seemed like a loaded question. No hard feelings?
[n/a] poetandknowit @ 65.101.210.174 > INTRANSIT | 13-Nov-02/10:50 AM | Reply
I think we all need a little tug tug now and then, eh?
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > poetandknowit | 13-Nov-02/11:15 AM | Reply
you need a good glory hole, is what you need.
[7] Jill Stockinger @ 127.0.0.1 | 1-Jan-21/12:06 PM | Reply
Like how you "make the gloom" (I've gloomed) and it becomes a tangible thing in the room.
Might be stronger if you use a different word to describe a darkening instead of gloomy in the first line.
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