Prelude to a Legend

Member since 2002 · Posted 30 Dec 2002 · Edited 31 Dec 2002 · 4 comments

I'm startled not by the the darkness that surrounds me, but the way my sub- conscious has created this hell What is my inner self trying to tell me as I lay in this short death for 8 hours? In this so called vision I always seem to be in this dying forest with this light coming from the little space between the trees. This light that breaks through the bitter black of the forest is my only compass throught this mess. The light shines in small spaces, but it seems the light with every dream is getting dimmer. I try to escape this forest but with every step my aspiration of getting out lessens. I can feel myself giving in, and I know that with every dream I feel more and more comfortable in this cold, isolated, horror of a place. The only thing keeping me from succumbing to this horrid place is the shouts of my soul telling me I am stronger than this. This light inside me tries to direct me in the right direction, but sadly its tries falls on deaf ears. But my soul will not give up on me and nor will I give up on myself And soon I hope to be out of this forest and into the light, but is THIS only a dream?

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.33 weighted 5.09 rank 6201 views 159 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

4 comments

[n/a] god'swife 30-Dec-02/9:22 PM Reply

How does light fall less on deaf ears than on the ears of the hearing? You seem like a passionate person, always necessary for a poet, but your poem is too much about what you feel, and too little about what happened. Life is a confusing and difficult thing, except of course those secret moments. What has your sub-conscience created? By the way, I think it's a bad idea to place a line break after 'sub'. How about just 'This light that brakes through the bitter black, is my only compass'?

[5] wOrnella Mutiw 30-Dec-02/9:51 PM Reply

Describe the forest, describe the light....is the forrest dense? is the light bright?...etc.

[3] powerline 31-Dec-02/7:50 PM Reply

Try to crisp this up a bit by trimming the fat. I'm also a little lost on the form--are you trying to be a writer or a poet?

Regardless, you have a talent with words.

[7] Ranger 16-Feb-03/12:34 AM Reply

There are some great lines in here, but too much unnecessary description of feeling (as god'swife says). I can see that you'll make a good writer or poet if you try. This deserves a 7, ideas and images are there, they just need to be selected and emphasised more (yeah, I know, emotion's a bastard to get down onto paper, I can't do it very well. Actually I can't write poetry very well. Oh well.)