poemranker ::The View On Life by Deb_djb3113

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 40358

The View On Life

Member since 2003 · Posted 14 Feb 2003 · 3 comments

If it took 3 steps to freedom 4 steps to jail 1 step to paradise 2 steps to fail 1 kiss to hold me 4 hands to leave 10 single pains In which i must conceive 2 seconds overdue but 3 seconds ahead 6 minutes to breath 5 in which are dead 1 way to run with 4 ways wrong Too many mistakes With 1 meaning full song 1 hand follows this way which direction to go around 14 minutes before I jump and hit the solid ground 2 minutes would of saved me 3 minutes have just filled How many beatings? Before I get killed SO they all start to count down from 10 10 single hands to poke things and grab 9 open wounds slowly begin to scab 8 shyless faces all turned away 7 strong people hung themselves today 6 pairs of lost and sorrowful eyes 5 shameful people with too many lies 4 drops of blood falling from this life 3 people screamed with a stab from a knife 2 hungry mouths rudly unfead 1 person left Now pronounced dead

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mean 5.75 weighted 5.09 rank 6253 views 110 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[6] Blue Magpie 14-Feb-03/10:30 PM Reply
For me it looks very rough, in terms of the grammar and such, nice idea though.
[10] deleted user 15-Feb-03/11:50 AM Reply
Very nice. The scattered rhythm and numbering sets a great backdrop of chaotic perception, which then falls into order.
[n/a] Deb_djb3113 › deleted user 15-Feb-03/4:52 PM Reply
Thanks Alot! =D I love poem writtting this woudl have to be the first i wrote about 2 years ago =D