poemranker ::Waiting to exit by INTRANSIT

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 43077

Waiting to exit

by INTRANSIT

Member since 2002 · Posted 8 Mar 2003 · 6 comments

I have grown quite tired of this transparent box I was raised in. I wish i'd seen it sooner. The cold water of knowledge rushes, trying to drown me. Muscles worn numb from swimming. I'm waiting for the water to float me to the top of this box, if I don't expire. Where I can scrape-roll myself over the edge, and fall. On the pavement, I can lie shivering until the blood starts to flow again. Then crane myself to my feet, and shake vigorously, enunciating life. Then wander, to a warm place in the sun. Where I can finish thawing. Then run.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.17 weighted 5.04 rank 6974 views 229 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

6 comments

[8] Bill Z Bub 8-Mar-03/9:01 PM Reply
okay, now I need time for some digestion! sounds good to me so far. I like this one, it has a familiar cast to it somehow... hmm.
[4] poetandknowit 10-Mar-03/10:52 PM Reply
Some good, some bad. Think about the metaphor you are trying to create and the expound on it. It is not as if it is an easy thing to do. If you want to be a good writer, you have to pour over your work.to make sure everything is connected. Make sure it all makes sense. Just ask DA.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › poetandknowit 11-Mar-03/6:23 AM Reply
I'm assuming you are referring to this poem. I'm letting it percolate for now. Could use some help with my "eskimo" and my "runes" when you get a moment. I'm particularly fond of them and would like to see them break gravity. glad to see yu are well. thank you.
[n/a] <~> 11-Mar-03/6:40 AM Reply
what is the box? why do you keep calling it a box? is it an icecube?
[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 11-Mar-03/6:48 AM Reply
mornin'. metaphor for "american dream" or things along that line. w're taught rules without reasoning. I know it needs work. I'm not framed for it at the moment. thanks z.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 11-Mar-03/6:51 AM Reply
do you have a moment for "lightest touch"?