DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Aurora & Eclipse

Member since 2002 · Posted 23 May 2003 · Edited 24 May 2003 · 8 comments

A glimpse of light, you came into my life Bright, beautiful, spledid, yes but all to fleeting I let the light shine upon me enjoying it And yet the light reflected off me The shine changed me, my visage To all who could see I had changed and yet they never knew The smile, like a trick of light that shows the hairs on a face Never seen before, noticed but unknown Showing up but not to stand out And now that light is gone and yet again the face changes Now in the dimness they still can't see why They don't notice the fading shadow of said smile They never knew of you, For while I basked in your light I eclipsed the truth I hid you as you wanted Now you hide again The light is gone and the shadows have come Now I must become acustomed to the dark once again

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5741 views 226 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

8 comments

[n/a] Shardik 23-May-03/7:47 PM Reply

Spell check while your loitering there could you, because this poem is riddled with err.

[n/a] OneFingerAnswer › Shardik 24-May-03/11:57 AM Reply

And I ask you: Are the typos so many and so strong that you cannot get meaning? For that is what a typo riddled poem would be. Are you so distracted by a missing n or a stray comma that you cannot read through it and see something on the other side? Does it raise a question that requires much thought from you? I truely hope you are not so puzzled by a few typos.

And again I ask you: Why not be helpful and point them out? Why instead simply tell of their existence?

[10] horus8 24-May-03/2:36 PM Reply

Because I was in a fucking hurry, that's why, and it would take to long, here:

A glimpse of light,
you came into my life.
Bright, beautiful, and splendid,
but all too fleeting.
I let the light shine upon me,
enjoying it.
Yet the light reflected off of me
in ways that I know I cannot understand.
The shine changed me, my visage.
To all who could see,

I had changed,
and yet they never knew
the me of before.
The smile, a trick of light
that shows the hairs on one's face.
A young man becoming.
Noticed, but still unknown.
Showing up, but not to stand out.
Now that the light is gone,
yet again the faces change.
Now in the dimness they still
won't see why.
They will not notice the fading shadow
of said smile.

They never knew you.
For a while, I basked in your light.
I eclipsed the truth
I hid you as you requested.

Now you retreat again.
The light is gone,
and the shadows have come back.
Now I must become acustomed
to the dark.

[n/a] OneFingerAnswer › horus8 24-May-03/3:00 PM Reply

Line and stanza breaks are up to the writer. Just because I didn't do it the same way you did doesn't mean it's an error.

As for most of your other changes, I don't think so. SOme of them are nice but not what I intended.

[10] horus8 › OneFingerAnswer 24-May-03/4:07 PM Reply

Did I say that it was Ryan? I merely took the time to show you that I do. My changes were not intended to do anything other then reflect the piece off of my form the way that It affected me. Would you rather I just ignored your work, or said nice poem? Because that can be arranged.

[n/a] OneFingerAnswer › horus8 24-May-03/4:27 PM Reply

No I wouldn't rather you ignored it. I'm sorry I came off that way but I just got dumped yesterday (hence the poem). I'm still a little pissed at being told that I am now single through an e-mail. I appriciate help with my poems but it just seemed a little harsh.... Thanks for trying.

[10] horus8 › OneFingerAnswer 24-May-03/4:53 PM Reply

I see, well, I'm sure it's not the first or the last time. Hang in there. I would wager my soul that this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. These calamities have a way of changing one for the better and attracting people to you that are more worthy and accepting of your gifts and love. I have a feeling something wonderful is right around the corner waiting to take you to the next level. One must molt to reveal their true beauty, so molt. I'll be waiting to hear the good news, because trust me, it's on its way. For now just know that I'm right, and you'll be fine. farewell for now.

With all my hope and strength.
Your friend.

Jeremi (horus8).

[8] rahson_s 13-Dec-05/9:55 AM Reply

i like... it takes me to a place that's dark...

ro-

www.utopiawright.com