Eyes

Member since 2003 · Posted 24 May 2003 · 1 comment

Looking deep into your eyes, hopeing for a glimpse of your soul, I see nothing. A dark cloud hangs over, Flashes shine though, Is it part of the storm, or deeper? I want to see the storm break. See the light from deep inside, finally set free to shine. When the clouds do break, you will light the room, the sun will come out, the storm done.

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1 comment

[7] deleted user 25-May-03/1:46 AM Reply

I like this Jake. I think you could improve upon the poem with a few less commas. Do you read them aloud to see if it flows well? And it should be 'hoping.'

The poem has a lot of depth and I think just needs a little tweeking.

Peace,