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The Contract (2nd draft)

Member since 2002 · Posted 17 Jun 2003 · Edited 17 Jun 2003 · 8 comments

Love is the asterisk, Blotted in bold next to the small print, Love is force majeure, the lack of gravity that makes you sink. It's a contract, There is no going back, Sign upon the dotted line, 'X' marks the spot where you will be mine. Love is the blemish of a hopeless romantic, That blows us off course as we await intransit, Its as dubious as religion, We believe in fate, Like we believe a politician. Love is the discarded remnants of our insecurity, If love is truly blind, Then I believe there's more to see, more to find, and i leave behind, Infinity

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mean 4.50 weighted 4.87 rank 10334 views 178 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

8 comments

[7] richa 17-Jun-03/10:45 AM Reply

a couple of nice beat esque bits

'like we believe in a politician' and asterisk....

the end doesn't need to be so definitive though

[8] Mr Pig (again) 17-Jun-03/11:07 AM Reply

Shorten my boy and end it at the line of the politician. You are spending far too much time on the loo and I do hope you have learned to put the seat down now. 8

[n/a] horus8 17-Jun-03/11:57 AM Reply

"Written from the quills of laughing Angels,
Who fuck our lives up because their bored." Lose this line, it's ridiculous, if you believe thjat you're insane. combine the word intransit, "It's" you have as its "a politician" change to in politicians, "insecurity" pluralize and "infinity" change to everything. Then, my friend, you'll have it.

[n/a] scitz › horus8 17-Jun-03/1:20 PM Reply

Thanks for the advice I have listened and changed, adding a replacement line for those pesky Angels.

Yep ! think this is better than the one I wrote on the shitter.

[n/a] horus8 › scitz 17-Jun-03/1:47 PM Reply

Yes, it is, but use everything instead of infinity because infinity is just to afterlife for poets in the 'now'.

[8] INTRANSIT 17-Jun-03/2:38 PM Reply

swell, just what I need. more people waiting for me.

yup. itsa doozie alright.

[4] god'swife 17-Jun-03/7:16 PM Reply

Ok, well the first 4 lines show some promise, but then your lack of gravity makes people sink? What fucking universe are you from? Yuo lose it after that. It's all blah blah blee blee blue. Love is a blemish that blows you of course? And what's up with this WE business? It's you brother, you're going stagnantly on about. Lines 15 & 16 are the epitome of stupidity.

[8] JoyLuck 18-Jun-03/12:50 AM Reply

i love it