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Misgivings (Free verse) by Topaz Servias
Through the deception of our lives together We drift apart as we embrace each other To someone watching we seem a couple But to my eyes, the truth is seen. At times we hate each other with a passion But still we know we wold never leave I walk away with words unsaid While the words that were leave a bitter taste. Now I look upon our lives And find that we are worlds apart To stiffle the feeling of sad regret I close one door to open another. With these words I say goodbye Yet in my heart forever you remain Know that while I walk away Around the corner I say your name.

Up the ladder: Dying In Silk (senryu)
Down the ladder: Plastic is Forever

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Weighted score: 5.8333335
Overall Rank: 1614
Posted: July 4, 2003 6:07 AM PDT; Last modified: July 4, 2003 6:07 AM PDT
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Comments:
[4] spank me baby yeah @ 62.105.116.77 | 4-Jul-03/7:03 AM | Reply
A bit saccharin like, its not poo but a bit like the verses in the 50 cent card shops 4
[6] richa @ 81.86.227.228 | 4-Jul-03/8:19 AM | Reply
this needs a bit more of you in it, the lack of originality detracts from the feeling you want to get across.

what I do like about this is the rhythm and sonority, even though you don't appear to be explicitly rhyming your words.
[8] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 4-Jul-03/11:12 AM | Reply
An honorable path. A good poem.
[8] Freethinker1602 @ 68.48.30.210 | 16-Nov-03/7:15 PM | Reply
sad.
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