DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Memoirs of a Monk - St. Screamer

Member since 2003 · Posted 15 Jul 2003 · Edited 15 Jul 2003 · 17 comments

Slam dunk of the drunken monk, lines written red, wine of purple grape, mouth agape in occult worship and uttering the wise words of loud nothings. Piteous Punk of the broken tablet non compos mentis eye fixed upon the decayed ghosts of once golden words hung on methodical chords new age harlot arias radiating profane lies... Timeworn trunk of the Word riddle storm intwined secrets laid within, yet only drunken priests, glare in theistic lore- the spawned son of a whore her mirror reflecting this: Jesus coughs -heaving blood: The life force of a lamb. --5, July, year of our lord 2003 -Saint Screamer. -Apostate Dreamer.

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10 votes so far. Yours would make 11.10 votes so far

17 comments

[8] richa 15-Jul-03/3:44 AM Reply

quite like the occult/religeous wordlplay. The end seems a bit obscure to me though

overall good

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › richa 15-Jul-03/4:21 AM Reply

hrmm.. i thought the end was pretty clear.. damn it ;/ any good suggestions my good friend? Thanks for your vote/comment, always welcomed.

[8] richa › SupremeDreamer 15-Jul-03/5:08 AM Reply

I think it is important to continue the image through the poem, then the poem makes sense before the meaning is grasped.

Bringing jesus in in the third verse seems to turn this poem upside down. I guess maybe more religeous image allusions like in the first two (the wine/broken tablet)

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › richa 15-Jul-03/6:15 AM Reply

Hows this rewrite?

[8] richa › SupremeDreamer 15-Jul-03/8:37 AM Reply

not sure about the dreamer/screamer bit.

how about (insert) saint
a-postate

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › richa 15-Jul-03/8:10 PM Reply

mmm.. im too attached to that bit, ill keep it.

[n/a] horus8 › richa 16-Jul-03/2:21 PM Reply

How about Saint Aprostate? lol

[n/a] EAger to Offend 15-Jul-03/2:25 PM Reply

I like how the layout looks like a lightningbolt\excamation point. Must...re-..read...

[n/a] <~> 15-Jul-03/9:07 PM Reply

profane...
did you want 'chords', to give it more blood?
maybe "laid" instead of "lain"

good work, here, but not user-friendly. then again, does it need to be?

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › <~> 15-Jul-03/9:21 PM Reply

thanks for pointing those out, ill get em fixed. user friendly isnt something i can be called, im the thorn of the black rose my fellow poet.. the thorn to prick the mind.. ;)

[10] Shardik 16-Jul-03/12:45 PM Reply

Very good, I'm proud of you, you've done it.

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › Shardik 16-Jul-03/10:12 PM Reply

:D I made me pencil into a lightsaber??? heh. thanks. ;)

[10] JoyLuck 17-Jul-03/1:44 AM Reply

i am amazed

[10] King Abdullah I 17-Jul-03/3:31 AM Reply

Very good. You are making huge strides forward. Keep up the good work. 10

[9] Bill Z Bub 18-Jul-03/10:59 AM Reply

Whammo. Golden Calf Award!

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › Bill Z Bub 18-Jul-03/8:52 PM Reply

Golden Calf Award? Whats that?

[10] Ranger 8-Mar-06/3:49 AM Reply

This is so damn funky! Absolute demon opener, and 'decayed ghosts' is very nice too.