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Spider (Free verse) by DreamerSupreme
The spider crawls Off my cold walls Eight eyes staring At my shriveled body Shriveled it is, laying here So lonely The sun, burning through the skin Waiting for the boil to explode And clean my sin Two steps forward, where my hell Begins Crossed arms, standing over the hallway The angel cries, all it has tried To save me, to make me see.. Failed Cannot be the monster Since I am the spider Toying with the fly And the fly Cannot cry Its all dry Blood and moisture Sucked out From within.

Up the ladder: Summer Rain
Down the ladder: A Sky of The Raven's Wing

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9103527
Overall Rank: 9659
Posted: July 22, 2003 7:24 PM PDT; Last modified: July 22, 2003 7:24 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 22-Jul-03/8:36 PM | Reply
"Crossed arms, standing over the hallway
The angel cries, all it has tried
to make me see..To save me,
Failed".

Yes, very good. Find your subjects and explore them intigrating yourself, so it becomes organic and not self absorbed. I would suggest strengthening your vocabulary and grammar next, but you got the right idea. writing every day on poemranker will teach you that. 7.
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