Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

The Belgian Bookworm [revised] (Free verse) by DreamerSupreme
Papa, how I miss you, as I sit alone with a glass of wine. Summer Home Sauvignon Blanc, the drink you always favored. I swirl the glass thinking of the times you would sit at the head of our table while enjoying a plate of your famous Belgian spaghetti. You would hold a Gittane cigarette in your left hand between your index and middle finger, your palm holding up your head. Your face would be in a book as you slowly ate. Michael Crichton, Dick Francis, Clive Cussler, and Tom Clancy- Just a few of your favorite authors in your large library. Blue-grey eyes would be hidden behind thick glasses as you quickly scanned the pages line for line. Your mind leisurely digested the words with a silent appreciation. Every few minutes you'd take a pause to graciously lift your chilled glass, and slowly sip the liquor. I would observe you turning the pages, wondering what your imagination was cooking as it was immersed in your latest book of worship. I recall how annoyed you would get when I asked what you were reading. Your answers would inspire a whole set of new questions. Your patience was tested as you calmly answered each one. Learning quickly, I made sure not to disturb you in your pure adoration of fiction. My eyes stare now at that empty chair; your jeweled throne. My ears miss the sound of your quiet turning of pages, and the gentle chimes of ice colliding with glass in that grapey ocean. My soul misses the wine that you sipped in modest amounts, that bitter royal beverage.

Up the ladder: Soul Solitude
Down the ladder: Yellow Cake for Everyone

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Weighted score: 5.1490035
Overall Rank: 5239
Posted: August 6, 2003 10:00 AM PDT; Last modified: August 21, 2003 4:29 AM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[7] cleverdevice @ 81.131.0.159 | 6-Aug-03/1:51 PM | Reply
Thoughtful imagery, yeah I like this. A nice contemplation. -7- PS I love Clive Cussler myself.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 66.81.144.94 > cleverdevice | 6-Aug-03/2:35 PM | Reply
Contemplation.. ah, more like my memory being replayed on paper, its an exact description of how my father would spend his nights eating dinner.

He introduced me to Clive and I am also an avid reader of his writing, he also directed me to the great works of Jean M Auel, Jonathan Kellerman, and many other wonderful authors.

I remember when i was eight, my school had this reading contest and he inspired me to read white fang.. since then i was addicted to reading, he was quite proud of it.. hrmm.. memories.. i miss that old man..

Thanks for the vote and comment, glad you enjoyed it.
[7] Shardik @ 24.126.113.154 | 6-Aug-03/4:30 PM | Reply
"of ice colliding with glass
in that grapy ocean" I would consider rewording this with an emphasis on losing grapy and ocean.

"Your face would be in a book
as you slowly ate.
Michael Crichton, Dick Francis,
Clive Cussler, and Tom Clancy-
Just a few of your favorite authors
in your large library." Hee he, you are a riot! yes, the library... Sounds stocked from rafters to sagging bottom shelf with such power hitters as Sidney Sheldon and Dean Koontz with a dash of Ken Folliet. You are too cute.

Great title.


[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 204.31.166.17 > Shardik | 6-Aug-03/5:30 PM | Reply
too cute? umm.. no, actually horus that was only an inkling of the bulk of his books. Theres literally thousands of authors in that collection i still keep stacked in a ton of boxes. most of it i havent even begun to explore.. the man could read huge books in three days, even one if he was really drawn into the story.. i sometimes thought he was a machine.

btw, whats wrong with grapy ocean? ;/ i liked that line too... -sigh- well, do you have a suggestion of what would replace that perhaps?
[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.21.223 | 7-Aug-03/2:21 AM | Reply
Needed more comparison to a king in his throne for the last line to have worked for me. -8-
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 204.31.165.80 > thepinkbunnyofdoom | 7-Aug-03/6:34 AM | Reply
maybe, but i didnt want to get people confused and thinking my ending was a peon bowing continually to a fallen roman emperor.. i mean metaphor shouldnt take away from the general meaning..
[7] richa @ 81.86.254.141 | 7-Aug-03/6:41 AM | Reply
good, if you wanted to redraft it I would suggest making it a bit tighter. There are lots of nice images but there are gaps in between.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 63.93.100.51 > richa | 21-Aug-03/4:30 AM | Reply
made it slightly tighter. about those gaps though, point those out please.
[7] richa @ 81.86.241.46 > DreamerSupreme | 21-Aug-03/6:34 AM | Reply
Papa, how I miss you,
as I sit alone with a glass (of wine.)
((of)) summer Home Sauvignon Blanc,
the drink you always favored.

Your face would be in a book
as you slowly ate.
Michael Crichton, Dick Francis,
Clive Cussler, and Tom Clancy-
(Just a few of your favorite authors
in your large library.)

Blue-grey eyes would be hidden
behind thick glasses as you
quickly scanned the pages
(line for line.)

(Your mind) leisurely digested ((ing)) the words
with a silent appreciation.


I recall how annoyed you would get
when I asked what you were reading.

Your answers would inspire
a whole set of new questions.
Your patience (was) tested
as you calmly answered each one.

Learning quickly, I made sure
not to disturb you in your pure adoration
of fiction.

My eyes stare now at that empty chair;
your jeweled throne.

My ears miss (the sound
of) your quiet turning of pages,
and the gentle chimes
of ice colliding with glass
in that grapey ocean.

My soul misses the
wine that you sipped in
modest amounts, that bitter
royal beverage.

the single brackets I put in are lines that don't really add anything. The are redundant.
The double brackets suggestions to add.

When I say tighten what I mean is make the poem shorter so that every line is forced to extract the maximum poetic value.

Bear in mind though that with brevity you sometimes sacrifice clarity.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 66.52.156.33 > richa | 21-Aug-03/6:41 AM | Reply
aaaahhhh.. ok, ok. hrmm.. i like some of those suggestions.. mind if i grab some? or is that cheating?
[7] richa @ 81.86.243.183 > DreamerSupreme | 21-Aug-03/10:05 AM | Reply
grab away,



274 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2022 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001