poemranker ::The Shadow's Dead by loneshadow29

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Free verse № 60417

The Shadow's Dead

by loneshadow29

Member since 2002 · Posted 12 Aug 2003 · 3 comments

Stupid bitch, like what you see? Those terrible demons inside Their bonds quickly breaking free And from them I cannot hide You’ve unlocked the pain I’ve held inside for so long Within, so much distain You know what is wrong You let out my hatred The poison in my soul All the feelings I wanted dead And that I could never control My eyes almost burning You know that it is too late Your life in ruin I am yearning Prepare to meet your fate Ripping down the joy inside Setting fire to your dreams Only in death can you confide Watch them fall apart at the seams I laugh with such furious rage A venomous smile on my face Darkness broke free from its cage And forever have I embraced So lie in ruin you stupid bitch And say hello to the dread For in evil I have become rich And the man you once knew is dead

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mean 4.33 weighted 4.92 rank 9426 views 183 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

3 comments

[n/a] Caducus 13-Aug-03/6:13 AM Reply
Get rid of all the melodrama and write it what it she did and your reaction. I don't want to sound like a balding, cock scratchin ghead master but this poem could be done in about 6 lines it just drones on and on blah blah blah. All you need to do is condense and edit, some potential but all this bitch craps gottta go. I've read a few of yours and this for you is average.
[n/a] Caducus 13-Aug-03/6:14 AM Reply
Bad spell day for me by the looks of it.
[10] god'swife 12-Sep-03/4:43 PM Reply
Get rid of stupid bitch. Otherwise the best thing you've written. Seriously. Oh, and it's "your life in ruins" How about "Everybody's bound to meet their fate"? You hold your rythmn and don't let go. It's all grown-up.