DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

walk out

Member since 2003 · Posted 21 Aug 2003 · 5 comments

Enter my world of unstructured confusion Bask in my frustration I have yet to see the person I so devotedly worked to be Worship the air I breathe Fall into this hellish hypnosis and die the moment you choose to leave The world is willing to die for the death of a nation Never willing to end the suffering of the mind Patriotic roars overpower liberal chants Life is a path taken for granted by man Chances passed up in the past Silenced by the political iron fist of mayhem Swift is the ray of light that blinds Superpower let us free Stop zealously controlling our lives

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.43 weighted 5.12 rank 5993 views 199 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

5 comments

[7] horus8 21-Aug-03/1:25 PM Reply

I would end at controlling, and work on shaping your structures.

[6] SupremeDreamer 21-Aug-03/2:11 PM Reply

Worship the air I breathe

just to inform you, your suffocating.. and your breath stinks, i dont worship such bad smelling oxygen.

heres a 6

[6] Rilke4ClosetLesbians 21-Aug-03/3:36 PM Reply

"Enter my world of unstructured poetry"

[10] Nirvana13666 › Rilke4ClosetLesbians 22-Aug-03/7:53 AM Reply

What I don't understand is how you can even try and criticize my writing because of how it is written and not for its content, you know it is good. I mean look at the crap that gets posted here. I know what well structured poems look like but why try and follow a standard perspective of expression when the whole point of expression is individuality?

[n/a] <~> › Nirvana13666 22-Aug-03/10:46 AM Reply

13666--yeah there's a lot of crap here. just like everywhere. and there's good stuff too. as for yours being good? i'd call it self-servingly nascent.