poemranker ::On The Floor of the Hospital by Fear of Garbage

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Free verse № 61984

On The Floor of the Hospital

by Fear of Garbage

Member since 2003 · Posted 23 Aug 2003 · 5 comments

Why are you so nervous? We are only stacking red leather books, They see you, reflect that faithfully. It is truly not your appearance. How could it be? We are trying things to get you out of the hospital; Hot plates, metal plates, tubes, flower pots. Nothing is working. You may die. I will come and see you after school today. You are looking meticulous and green, But your brain is still intact, snapping Like thorns off of cotton. I set my blue backpack down by the moniter. You do not want me to look at you. An ugly nurse comes in, saying something sad, Sneers at you and goes to prepare an autopsy. I lift my head. You twitch when I look at you. I hope you can get that fixed.

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mean 6.20 weighted 5.14 rank 5378 views 172 View voting details →

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5 comments

[7] SupremeDreamer 23-Aug-03/12:40 PM Reply
the writing here was banal.. dull.. it felt dead.. was that the intention? 7
[n/a] Goad › SupremeDreamer 5-Feb-04/5:13 PM Reply
dude, banal? dull? I read this pome six fucking times. Then I came back 3 days later and read it three more times. I don't even read my own goddamn pomes that many times.
[7] richa 24-Aug-03/3:43 AM Reply
imagery is bordering on disturbing.
'On the floor' is a nice touch. Are they actually on the floor uncared for, or a hospital floor.
Not sure I grasp the plant metaphor though.
Maybe it is about a plant? with a brain?
[9] lastobelus 1-Feb-04/5:45 PM Reply
I don't understand what the red books are about, or how they relate to the rest of the pome.

Last line is stunning. "snapping like thorns off of cotton" is incredibly apt. monitor is spelled wrong. The two lines about the nurse -- you get much done with few words.

more more more more more more. I want more. Quit school and write 12 hours a day. Or something.
[n/a] zodiac › lastobelus 1-Feb-04/8:13 PM Reply
I agree. Who are you?