'Till Then

Member since 2002 · Posted 6 Sep 2003 · Edited 16 May 2004 · 10 comments

In my mind I'll never forget How serene she looked in a violet sleep With her head on a pillow of velvet She was just too beautiful to keep. She could have passed for an angel In her silk designer gown She always took my breath away But I couldn't stay in that town. So I whispered my broken goodby's, Afraid to disturb her slumber The salt in my tears just burned my eyes, It was the last time I'd ever see her. Deep in my heart I will never forget How serene she looked there asleep With her head on a pillow of velvet But now she's resting six feet deep. She's back with the other angels Looking down with those deep green eyes She must have heard my farewell, Her smile is there the skies. Somehow I knew she would leave, She didn't belong on this earth. But I know I'll always grieve For the angel I've loved from birth. I'll just hold her in my mind 'Till I can join her once again But for now my heart is resigned To love our son 'till then.

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mean 6.84 weighted 6.84 rank 319 views 542 View voting details →

31 votes so far. Yours would make 32.31 votes so far

A favorite of InWonderLand, forsaken.

10 comments

[10] electroman1979 6-Sep-03/11:25 PM Reply

incredible, good work, very emotional, write more

[10] tadpole 7-Sep-03/9:45 AM Reply

How do you write like that! I really like how you almost trick the reader to think you are talking about something else and then leave them with a tear in their eye. . .well at least me

[n/a] sliver › tadpole 8-Sep-03/10:39 AM Reply

Thank you Tadpole, Your response proves that I hit my mark. Much appreciated.

[5] J.B. Manning 8-Sep-03/11:22 AM Reply

I like the message, but I want to say that it could be massaged a bit. I think you already have a good sense of the rhythm you want for this poem, but it seems a little...unedited maybe. I do like it, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to suggest some improvement because I think it's well deserved and would make this piece so much better. It has potential.

[9] wilco 17-May-04/1:32 PM Reply

That's quite a sad little song...played mostly in minor chords I'd bet..

[10] deleted user 13-Oct-05/5:29 PM Reply

-10-

[10] arduinn 27-Jul-06/8:13 AM Reply

wow..

[0] Engelbert Humpalot 10-Aug-06/10:16 AM Reply

Nicely written but a little too sentmental for me. I would have given it 9/10 except for the spelling mistake....

"Goodby" doesn't exist. The plural of goodbye is goodbyes

[10] sonawrote 24-Sep-07/8:50 PM Reply

beautifully expressed, thank you for sharing this part of your life with all of us out here

[0] Engelbert Humpalot 8-Oct-07/6:56 AM Reply

Sentimental and sloppy in the extreme.