poemranker ::voyeur by richa

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Free verse № 70593

voyeur

Member since 2002 · Posted 16 Oct 2003 · 4 comments

Peeling through a window of clear air like the stems of a daffodil, to see a girl, a boy, and a hired motel as plain as a shop front, this was not the scene she had built from the collected leaves, clumsy fingers, she bled like a cut and then washed, my hands are still wet.

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13 votes so far. Yours would make 14.13 votes so far

4 comments

[10] Tits 16-Oct-03/7:32 AM Reply
Richard,

I think you should change "she bled like a cut" to "she bled like a cunt".

Then it would rhyme with the previous line "as plain as a shop front"

Your friend,

doug
[n/a] richa › Tits 16-Oct-03/7:39 AM Reply
The rhyme was so well inferred I felt I didn't need to.
[6] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 16-Oct-03/8:39 AM Reply
Will these hands ne'er be dry?
[10] horus8 16-Oct-03/1:27 PM Reply
I bet they are.