Evel Knievel's last bananna split   

"Evel Knievel was my hero, and my proudest achievement was that I once had the nerve to ride my bike off a seven-foot wall into a pile of leaves..." A quote by some boy some where, right now. "Ferrel's has ice cream in a shit load of flavors!" Says my fat ass cousin Herman before getting back handed by my Aunt Leona. "You're going to get zits on your back just like your father if you keep that sweet tooth and soapy mouth young man". Herman toes the ground with a untied scuff proof Hushpuppy. "I bet he's already got a back full of pimples" I think. A group of singing and squealing employees race by towards some unsuspecting boy's horror. They make pig noises and plop down a ten gallon bowl of ice cream in front of him. He vomits and bursts into tears while his entourage of peers and relatives laugh at his weak stomach and apparent grasp upon his own diet and sanity. I shake my head in a knowing way. Poor kid never even knew what hit him. My cousin Herman turns to me and says "Tonight Evel Knievel's going to jump the Snake River in a rocket, God damn he's the best!". I, however, already know he's totally fucked. For the first time that day and in a while, I smile. "You're only as good as your mother's father is bald and sexually gifted" - A monk on a mountain some where, right now.