poemranker ::Dry Beast Night by fevriere

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Sestina № 79459

Dry Beast Night

by fevriere

Member since 2004 · Posted 14 Jan 2004 · 8 comments

When you wake on the cusp of salt moisture and find yourself thin or deficient; when ticks, drips, creaks, rasps irk and the promise of dream-clouds is broken; creep like a hunger-strick beast growl on the prowl for fresh sleep. The beast seeks a morsel of sleep and cack cracks his throat after moisture. The air is displeasing, deficient, and now every breath starts to irk and with half-woke work, sleep is broken leaving cheap cheer for the beast. The jigsaw's too much for the beast who's, at the least, starved for sleep and clutching on tight to dry moisture. The night is a lover, deficient. The lover's wet fingers would irk; But will the silence be broken? Night wills. The silence is broken By growls in the heart of the beast Yearning for flesh-resting sleep Craving for meta-mouthed-moisture. Its paws are inept and deficient Its inept flesh starts to irk. Hurt wells. Heat swells the irk that is just a blood vessel. Broken, it seeps like a curtain. The beast, Unready, comes heady, and sleep settles, Certain. That soaking of moisture Reduces, the beast is deficient The poor beast is fading. Deficient of drought. How tragic! Shivers irk it to scratch 'til skin's broken. Blood dribbles and where is the beast? Drowned, in mistiful sleep, Deep in mythically wet morning's moisture. So relish moisture, deficient beasts. Don't irk broken sleep by tickling.

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8 comments

[9] middenHeap 14-Jan-04/7:02 AM Reply
Oh, well done! So that's what a sestina is. I'll have to have a go at one. Has it rhythmical requirements, or does it require only the reuse of the end words?

strick should be stricken. I don't know what mistiful should be -- misted? mistful?
[n/a] fevriere › middenHeap 16-Jan-04/1:06 PM Reply
Glad you feel inspired. Will change strick to stricken and mistiful to.. Mistful. I think.
[8] richa 14-Jan-04/9:45 AM Reply
Not dead keen on sestinas, this is good though.

A couple of picks. 'salt moisture'? and 'growl for sleep'
[n/a] fevriere › richa 16-Jan-04/1:04 PM Reply
Salt mositure, I believe, needs reconsidering: but growl for sleep, I like. Doesn't it sound like a hungry belly? Thanks. :)
[9] horus8 14-Jan-04/1:54 PM Reply
Good, but irk? My ownly complaint would be a touch muddled, but highly imaginative. Structure was flawless, bravo.
[n/a] fevriere › horus8 16-Jan-04/12:54 PM Reply
It was a given work. I like that you can kind-of feel it, and it's a bit wearing. But thank-you.
[9] Shuushin 27-Jan-04/6:41 AM Reply
interesting rhymes and near-word reflections. It struck me (not harshly) more as an exercise, albeit a good one, rather than a poem that can stand on its own; a little too much of one trick in the pony-beast.

Having said all that - this beast is a sestina fer crying out loud, and one of the more cogent ones I've read in a while so; huge kudos for that. Nice job.
[n/a] fevriere › Shuushin 15-Oct-04/2:17 AM Reply
Ta.