DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Covers

Member since 2004 · Posted 30 Jan 2004 · 2 comments

I've looked to find a resting place where I can be just me I've searched to own a sacred space where your soul is part of me tell me what it is you see when your looking in my eyes tell me why I feel you can uncover all disguise are you blinded by your mind of what you think you see? or can you see right through the disguise that covers me?

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2 comments

[7] Shuushin 31-Jan-04/3:56 AM Reply

It's quite close to something good but it's kept back a bit, i think, by some of the rhymes and that last part where disguise is repeated - somehow gets difficult there. I'd say worth re-working a bit.

[5] NanceXToo 31-Jan-04/11:32 AM Reply

This is alright. The rhythm's good. But it's kind of...I don't know. Too generic, overall. I get no real vibe on the "I" or "you" portrayed here. They're kinda just cardboard cutouts. There's nothing that really gives you a unique voice. Oh, and "your looking" should be "you're looking"