poemranker ::Love in Winter Storage by Russell

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Lyric № 94922

Love in Winter Storage

Member since 2004 · Posted 24 Mar 2004 · 2 comments

My love goes lurking, like a sparrow (on tiny, nervous springs), who takes each seed, each bead of water as fête, well set for kings. My love goes stealing, like a squirrel who fidgets and then sings of grains he hoards as they grow fatter till cat’s distemper stings. My love goes burrowing, like worm, who “Dirt for dowry!” sings; and yet I know the squalid mounds to which his harem clings. My love goes languishing, like laurel with roots asleep in slings: from here till May, a sullen ember, whose mood now weaves on wings.

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2 comments

[8] richa 25-Mar-04/5:21 AM Reply
Quite a nice sound (apart from the sings/distemper stings forced rhyme).

Not sure sparrows lurk though.
[8] Shuushin 25-Mar-04/7:05 AM Reply
2nd stanza has to go. What else you got?

the rest is very nice with some solid poetic language.

So, overall I like how you say it, but what you say isn't too engaging.