poemranker ::Summers Breath on my neck by unouluvme

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Free verse № 95893

Summers Breath on my neck

Member since 2004 · Posted 2 Apr 2004 · Edited 17 Apr 2004 · 6 comments

As part of the swing, i feel, summers breath on my neck, stirring the hair that lays flat the taste of the sun, forcing my tounge out for cool air the smell of green water, that clings to my skin touch of the grass, now slightly yellowed, always under my fingertips but just out of reach, never close enough for me like a butterfly, slipping out of your hand like the last drop of water, never reaching your mouth like running, never reaching the moon the taste of the sun, the smell of green water, summers breath on my neck.

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mean 6.67 weighted 5.45 rank 2964 views 219 View voting details →

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6 comments

[8] Spindle 2-Apr-04/7:11 PM Reply
mmmmmmmm :-) very nice. It makes me long for summer
[9] Shuushin 2-Apr-04/8:53 PM Reply
"green" once - certainly not three times.

summer[']s
[n/a] unouluvme 5-Apr-04/5:23 PM Reply
what word could i use on the "soon to turn green" instead of the word "green"
[9] Shuushin 17-Apr-04/9:22 AM Reply
would be cool if u made this from the perspective of a small rodent.
[9] zodiac 18-Apr-04/5:53 AM Reply
Not bad, really. "Summers" is "Summer's" of course. "Tounge" is "tongue". And "the hair that lays flat" should be "hair that lies flat" without the the.
[10] sliver 16-Jun-04/7:48 PM Reply
Good image though, I guess you aren't as bad a poet as you think.