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when do dreams fade?

Member since 2004 · Posted 16 Apr 2004 · 5 comments

life is shallow and unbearable nothing seems to go my way every little thing a mess, a lovers kiss is empty moonlights are cold the night freezes me over and wine doesn't taste as good my thoughts a mess nothing seems straight the stars are dim , and night fades my dreams faded when i lost you pushed you from me, drove you away and the emptiness of memories kept gnaws at me like a bad hangover after friday the day you left my soul departed it stays this way still...

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.50 rank 2712 views 196 View voting details →

9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

5 comments

[6] Bachus 16-Apr-04/12:36 PM Reply

Almost readable. 6.

[4] deleted user 16-Apr-04/1:36 PM Reply

At first I expected this to end as a slur on maudlin feelings being gushed without any preparation, but now I see I'll have to write that verse myself.

[4] edpeterson 16-Apr-04/2:56 PM Reply

you might find your soul buried beneath your language skills if you bothered to look for them. I think the lack of sensation left in the wake of pain is a theme that CAN be handled without cliche, but it takes flawless execution to do so. And a bit more imagination.

[9] tadpole 16-Apr-04/9:53 PM Reply

I really like it

[7] VechenPushkin 17-Apr-04/12:27 PM Reply

seemz cliche. dunno why. maybe cause Ive read too many poems that say "life sucks"