poemranker ::reflection by xunitedx

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Free verse № 97678

reflection

by xunitedx

Member since 2004 · Posted 19 Apr 2004 · 15 comments

we listen to preachers, presidents, and teachers hoping they tell us the meaning we hide from strange creatures under the bleachers just to live longer while dreaming we wander through valleys, back streets, and alleys searching for what is the truth we attend ballys, live concerts, and rallies just to find innocence left us in youth

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15 comments

[7] deleted user 19-Apr-04/5:21 PM Reply
balleys? I think you mean ballets.
The last line seems contradictory after setting up the theme of finding meaning and truth. I'd try to go back to who we listen to for the last line.
[n/a] xunitedx › deleted user 19-Apr-04/10:32 PM Reply
no, i meant ballys. it's a chain of gyms. everything before the last line is what we do everyday. the last line is meant to be the only thing we do find easily is our loss of innocence.
[7] deleted user › xunitedx 20-Apr-04/9:58 AM Reply
Okay, you wrote it, I only read it, how would I know?
[8] Shuushin 20-Apr-04/12:10 PM Reply
nice complex internal and end-rhymes.

ballys - s/b "ballets"
[8] Shuushin › Shuushin 20-Apr-04/12:11 PM Reply
oh, just read justification about.

Change it anyway; no one knows what the hell that is.
[n/a] xunitedx › Shuushin 20-Apr-04/1:13 PM Reply
ballets doesn't rhyme. and ballys is like the most popular gym in the country. i have never heard of anyone not hearing of it before.
[7] wilco › xunitedx 20-Apr-04/1:35 PM Reply
Balley's is also a Riverboat Gambling Hall in Tunica! (although it's with an e, but it sounds the same..)
[8] Shuushin › xunitedx 20-Apr-04/2:01 PM Reply
sure it rhymes (the T is silent) - that it isn't the same foot makes it a bit awkwark though. Maybe you should capitalize it to make it more of a, uh, what you call a - proper noun so the fair reader doesn't have to take out the magic decoder ring.

This is what messing with standard rules like for capitalization and punctuation do to a poem - it makes readers second-guess stuff (especially on a forum like this).

Chalk it up as a datapoint. The word in that place doesn't really effect the thing overall anyway.

[7] deleted user › Shuushin 20-Apr-04/2:13 PM Reply
If my mother had been so kind when I opened the saltshaker and filled it with glue, I might have stopped doing it.
[7] wilco › deleted user 20-Apr-04/4:20 PM Reply
When I filled the salt shaker with glue,
She beat me, beat me with her shoe.
[8] Shuushin › wilco 20-Apr-04/5:07 PM Reply
see, now THAT rhymes!

heheh
[7] zodiac › Shuushin 20-Apr-04/5:14 PM Reply
- "...we row in Norse galleys, see concerts and rallies"
- "...we have big finales at concerts and rallies"
- "...we sometimes have rallies at Lou's or Pasquale's"
- "...the keynote speaker at our rally's Dick Vitale"
- "...everyone shilly-shallies at the aforementioned rallies"
Or you could just capitalize Bally's, use a different word than "attend", and tell everyone who doesn't get it to fuck off.
[n/a] xunitedx › zodiac 20-Apr-04/5:39 PM Reply
- "...we sometimes have rallies at Lou's or Pasquale's"

hahaha i like that one
[n/a] xunitedx › Shuushin 20-Apr-04/2:40 PM Reply
i totally get your point. i thought about the capitalization thing, just didnt feel like doin it. ballet(yes i know how to pronounce it) and valley(or alley or rally) do not rhyme.
[8] Shuushin › xunitedx 20-Apr-04/5:01 PM Reply
let me try this, then: "oh, how could I have been so stupid."