SupremeDreamer19 Jun 2004
Certain stanzas were pretty good, but some of the other stuff such as:
"Did the sun blind me that day?
Cloud my eyes from reality
Create feelings you never felt for me?"
AND
"Oh let me swing!
You thought I would look silly among the kids
We were suppose to go back that night
Do you remember?
But it rained-so we said ânext timeâ"
Really sounded childish or "teenaged". The rest could be revised into a more fluid and enjoyable piece. As for how that could be done? I leave you to figure that out for yourself-- it's better that way, me thinks.
Blessed with seven.