thepinkbunnyofdoom7 Sep 2004

You need to either pick up the ryhme scheme, not bother with one at all, and change the type from free verse to pimple. -1- because it starts off like it has depth and quickly realizes that it doesn't want to share it. What Words? Who Hung up on you? Things like that are kinda important. Show me why you care at all that they hung. Your words are far to vague and underdeveloped as this piece stands. Rewrite it, like you mean it for god's sake. Put some passion behind your wording, turn a phrase or two, like a poet is meant to or label it correctly as a pimple so that you don't come off as a total putz when real poets or even just anyone whose read a real poem, read your scrawlings.

<3 Jason