DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Mourning Sickness

Member since 2003 · Posted 6 Sep 2004 · 2 comments

Silence from the phone When did you hang up? Wait! That's not what I wanted I didn't mean to say those words Why didn't I stop myself? What have I done? Oh god... Make this feeling go away I didn't ask for this Tears keep falling Need to stop crying Need to stop lying Need to stop feeling... Everything.

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mean 4.83 weighted 4.96 rank 8710 views 157 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

2 comments

[1] thepinkbunnyofdoom 7-Sep-04/9:10 AM Reply

You need to either pick up the ryhme scheme, not bother with one at all, and change the type from free verse to pimple. -1- because it starts off like it has depth and quickly realizes that it doesn't want to share it. What Words? Who Hung up on you? Things like that are kinda important. Show me why you care at all that they hung. Your words are far to vague and underdeveloped as this piece stands. Rewrite it, like you mean it for god's sake. Put some passion behind your wording, turn a phrase or two, like a poet is meant to or label it correctly as a pimple so that you don't come off as a total putz when real poets or even just anyone whose read a real poem, read your scrawlings.

<3 Jason

[5] LintyWeenis 8-Sep-04/2:48 PM Reply

Yea.