zodiac10 Nov 2004

The definite articles throughout - but especially in the first line - are hideous and a waste of space. With the same syllables I could have said, oh, I don't know,

Against flat, skin-white winter skies,
Against glass-hard November skies,
On unforgiving surfaced skies,

- and so on and so on, without the presumption of "the".

And "flies and plies" is a little too sing-songy, even for a song. Even "flies; it plies" would have been better, though not much. Drop the "flies", I say (*snicker, snicker*) and get an adjective before "bird".