-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.1 Feb 2005

THE THREE PRINCIPLES OF EMBROIDERY

1. An embroidery will continue to grow at constant rate unless another embroidery collides with it, or the loom weaves itself into a frenzy.

2. A family of embroideries is called a hovis.

3. Weave with the weft, you'll soon be bereft.
Weave with the warp, and you'll ne'er parp.

LOOM MAINTENANCE

1. Don't be tempted to fit your loom with a turbo.
2. Remeber to replace your loom's oxygen tanks after each embroidering.
3. Regularly inspect your loom's tyres for fruit salads.

(Loom Maintenance in a High-Risk Hobo Sanctuary)

4. Hoboes cling to filthy looms like barnacles, burrowing deep into their majestic oil trumpets and feasting on woollen deposits. If you find your loom has become encrusted with these urchins, prize them off with a palette knife or coat hanger. In future, a Fisherman's Friend dangling uselessly from the loom's spinnerets should discourage them.

5. If the Hobo Density exceeds 100 Beards, and their interlocking limbs have formed a Level 3 Hobo Matrix, CALL A SPECIALIST AT ONCE. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REMOVE THE HOBOES BY HAND!