wilco2 Feb 2005

You've got some good lines here, and I think if you work on it some more, you might be able to get more cohesion. The stream of thought thing works, but oftentimes you still have to revise it so that it makes sense to the reader on some level. I can pick out things here that I understand, but then it goes to something else. I rarely edit my writing based on what people want and I rarely reveal what they are about. My feeling on it is that you need to derive your own meaning from it. At least in abstract cases. Some poems are good because you get it and some are good because everything works, even though you might not understand it. Worth working on.