<~>21 May 2005

in the 4th stanza, you use enjambment and that makes the poem flow. this is the standard you should hold the others to. the final, as well, works beautifully. in the others, the abrubt endings give a lurching feeling, where i think you need to have more of a slow meander. it's a good start, excellent theme and idea, but the full stops hinder the gist of it. keep at it and you'll get it better.