ALChemy18 Dec 2005

Unless your son's name is Danny Boy don't say things like "milk's a boiling" just say "milk is boiling".

"They hug and kiss, for she did miss" Add a "so" either before or after "did" or even better lose "did" and just write it as "so missed". I mean do you really talk in real life like you did in those 2 lines I singled out?
With that said, the rest of this is really good and I actually like that you put rhymes where it felt natural and didn't force them into places they didn't need to go. Now my challenge to you is to find out what exactly the elements were that made this poem effective and what things worked against it.