Dovina23 Jan 2006

Recently, you told me you were happy that a new poem I had posted was not about God. Had to chuckle. This has a nice rhythm at the start, which seems to crumble a bit toward the end. A climax comes at, "Could we not then go on godless?" Of course I could say you are preaching, not showing, but I like preaching sometimes, and this is not too preachy.

I understand "Surely such reward’s deserved" to mean "reward is" but "surely He deserves reward" sounds better to me.

"For it is in God’s plan" seems like it needs "good" or something before "plan" for rhythm's sake.

"and to send forth his good children" seems bland, I dunno.

Try "some" in "Nor dream truth of any hereafter" instead of "any."

The lone period after "best" seems awkward, it's the only one; likewise the comma after "wisdom."

"that sees"? - try "who sees".