ecargo23 Jan 2006

Yep, you've been reading Blake. ;-) You lose your meter here and there, and since you mostly stick to it, it's jarring when you go astray.

Put a comma after your invocation (good children)--makes it immediately clear that you're speaking to them (it threw me off the first time). A nit.

"Inherit the earth" IS a great biblical line, which is why it's so overused.

As Dovina notes, it's deliberate preaching, which doesn't bother me, but I do wish the language was a little more fresh and compelling. Or that he ate the children in the end (sorry, it got me thinking of The Walrus and the Carpenter):

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.