Caducus19 May 2006

I can see how much your writings come on and thought i should comment on what i think you need to do to fastrack the improvement even more.

This could be stronger as a poem if you make it more concrete (example below)

You are,
a small gold leaf
blown over warm earth
Like a kiss-
Content at rest
But,
if you had these eyes,
you would see
him sitting,
in the arms of an apple tree
She will hold him,
with every other seeking bliss


and so on......

it leaves the images stronger as it sppears more concise and focused. The style of this poem is synonymous with a lot you write and i always tailor your meter to how i imagine it could and should be.

Anyway I'll probably get the piss taken out of me for leaving a proper comment lol.