Ranger1 Oct 2006

The stanzas don't really connect with each other. I'm dying to say 'change pawn to prawne', that would at least give a bit of continuity with the sinking and the ship. But seriously, this doesn't really carry much meaning to me. I know you've got something to say, and I guess I can see what you're saying...but it doesn't grab me, in this form. I don't really know what to suggest, other than getting a continuous link throughout the poem.