bwaha13 Apr 2007

The first verse has very good rhythm. The worlds flow naturally, and I really like it. Only thing I would say to maybe change is "it snowed" to "there's snow" because then your rhyme is more perfect.

The second verse looses the flow of the first, though. One thing to keep in mind when writing rhyming poems is to count syllables. Frequently (though not always) the closer the syllable counts in your lines are, the better the poem will flow.

Also, this poem is obviously meant to be light hearted and fun, but even still...neat? Reading the first verse, I would assume I was dealing with a playful adult. But the second verse makes me feel like I am talking to a creative, yet unskilled grade schooler.

The idea is cute though.