lmp11 Jul 2007

i like this one. i would suggest switching the order of coffee and donut in line 7; i presume the "black and sweet" refers to the coffee, not the donut. in fact, to maintain the rhyme scheme you have established, switch it to "sweet and black".

line 1 refers to her baseball cap, line 2 to her khaki hat. not sure if that is too much about the hat/cap. perhaps line 1 could be "khaki cap" and figure out something else to rhyme with either line 1 or line 3.

as ranger said, this has a nice flow, kind of jaunty and carefree. nice.