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Cotopaxi Store, Colorado

Member since 2004 · Posted 10 Jul 2007 · 4 comments

Ponytail wags from baseball cap khaki pants and khaki hat sweatshirt flaunting âMountain Zoneâ muddy boots of brown and green Country woman, tall and lean wallet pulled from pocket back for coffee, donut, black and sweet Back in the pickup, out on the road steers to move and cows to feed city poachers to track and bleed

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3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

4 comments

[8] Ranger 11-Jul-07/2:58 PM Reply

Nice lyricism, I don't know what the stereotype of a country girl from Colorado is though - I need to travel more.

[n/a] Dovina › Ranger 13-Jul-07/8:35 AM Reply

Sheâs not like this girl.

[8] lmp 11-Jul-07/3:29 PM Reply

i like this one. i would suggest switching the order of coffee and donut in line 7; i presume the "black and sweet" refers to the coffee, not the donut. in fact, to maintain the rhyme scheme you have established, switch it to "sweet and black".

line 1 refers to her baseball cap, line 2 to her khaki hat. not sure if that is too much about the hat/cap. perhaps line 1 could be "khaki cap" and figure out something else to rhyme with either line 1 or line 3.

as ranger said, this has a nice flow, kind of jaunty and carefree. nice.

[n/a] Dovina › lmp 13-Jul-07/8:34 AM Reply

How about âfor coffee, donut, sweet and blackâ for Line 7, and let the double meanings ride? Thanks.