Dark Angle12 Mar 2008

good effort, seems a little disjunctive though. i'm tuned out by some of the cliche words "agony", "inferno", "illicit desire". i like lines 4-9. maybe go into why you lie, sign, can't cry though instead of just saying it. paint the picture so the audience understands, otherwise it's something people can't connect to. i suggest getting some sort of modern anthology on poetry, read it, repeat. i think the goal is that you want the audience to feel something that touches them through a descriptive story of pretty words.