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Waiting to fall

Member since 2002 · Posted 7 Mar 2008 · 2 comments

Agony Inferno in the mind Pacing On the razor's edge Of illicit desire I lie I sigh I cannot cry I clutch my pen The papers And close my eyes Waiting for the fall Waiting to fall

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1 vote so far. Yours would make 2.1 vote so far

2 comments

[5] Dark Angle 12-Mar-08/1:34 AM Reply

good effort, seems a little disjunctive though. i'm tuned out by some of the cliche words "agony", "inferno", "illicit desire". i like lines 4-9. maybe go into why you lie, sign, can't cry though instead of just saying it. paint the picture so the audience understands, otherwise it's something people can't connect to. i suggest getting some sort of modern anthology on poetry, read it, repeat. i think the goal is that you want the audience to feel something that touches them through a descriptive story of pretty words.

[n/a] aliena › Dark Angle 13-Mar-08/6:44 PM Reply

Point taken :)