The Spell(Alice part I)

Member since 2006 · Posted 21 Aug 2012 · Edited 26 May 2014 · 4 comments

My bright blue skies have faded My world unsaturated and it feels like it's out of hue.. The vividness has turned gray Gone are the colors of May nothing left but blue.. It used to shine so bright Surrounded by bright light I'm sinking deep inside Sinking deep in my own lies Now it's hard for me to move My screws are turning loose Feels like my soul was shattered.. I lay in darkness, my friend I see memories I've forsaken All of that is you... It used to shine so bright but now it's dark outside It's buried deep inside Buried deep in my own lies...

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 8130 views 519 View voting details →

1 vote so far. Yours would make 2.1 vote so far

4 comments

[n/a] Skamper 30-Aug-12/6:52 AM Reply

what is wrong with the first line? should read skies have or sky has...

[1] SupremeDreamer › Skamper 11-Feb-13/3:38 PM Reply

-Nod- yup. yup. Where the FUCK is my vodka cup?

~gulp~ ~gulp~

__OBLIVION!__

[1] SupremeDreamer 11-Feb-13/3:36 PM Reply

This is not a lyric. It takes me barely more that 30 seconds to sing this. There's no fucking chorus. As free verse I'd be inclined to give this a four. As a "lyric"? 1.

[5] nentwined 30-Jan-15/1:36 PM Reply

I really like the potential of the first two stanzas, but the rest disappoints, for me—give me more color, more shifting, more playing with vision (other than bright/dark). Though loss poems are particularly hard to do, in that the general doesn't connect and the particular may be too particular. And they are done, and done, and done--but try to dig into more senses, cohere it all, and don't give up....