half.italian4 May 2008

I would suggest trying to take out 90% of the "he"s in the poem. Each time, try to find a different way to approach the line/stanza. For example:

"""
He takes off, exhilarated.
Cutting wind with feathery knives
only to rest after exhausting the morning's meal.
"""

The above is not quite right, but you can see what I'm getting at. Try to add more variation. Another thing. Usually you can find a better approach to emphasize a phrase without using punctuation. Instead of putting a word in CAPS, make the description (in lowercase) strong enough to evoke the emotion you want without caps.

Good poem!

~half.italian