anonymous13 May 2002

You know, this just doesn't work. There's too much going on. If this is really a poem about desiring immortality or some sort of remembrance - then you might want to focus on that. If this is a extended metaphor (over-extended in this case) about the fires of life - then stick to that. You build a foundation out of fire and then you douse it out with a watered down wimpering plea for remembrance. So until you re-write, this basically sucks.